Choosing Celibacy: Why I have decided to stop having sex…at least for now!

After the high of releasing my book this week, I feel like this is the right time to post another deeply personal post. In choosing to post I no doubt will receive some negative reactions and possibly a few people thinking that I am oversharing. Maybe I am, maybe I am not. Sharing my life is what I do. I express myself and connect to others through my writing. I find writing to be one of the most therapeutic tools in my arsenal of tools. Plus I might just help someone else that is experiencing the same emotions and confusion.

How to start? Anyone that has been reading my blog for a while will know that I have a horrendous dating history and that I also lost my father over a decade ago. So while working on myself and looking at my nutrition plus other elements of my life I realised that I have a massive fear of abandonment. This stems mostly from losing my father but also from all the crappy relationships I have dealt with in the past.

During my time at Bahay Kalipay we did a number of workshops and practices that brought out a lot of the issues behind my deep seeded sense of abandonment. The realisation that I had to begin honouring my feminine divine and discover what drives my desire also acutely resonated within my heart.

We also did a corny little quiz from a 1989 book, ‘The Goddess Within: A Guide to the Eternal Myths that Shape Women’s Lives’ , written by Jennifer Barker Woolger. My primary Goddess was Artemis and then Athena and Aphrodite tying for second position.

Mum and I at the Roman Temple of Artemis in Jordan. (Totally get she is a Greek God but it is called a Roman Temple – for reasons I know not!)

Temple of Artemis - Can totally tell we are related!

Temple of Artemis – Can totally tell we are related!

Now I don’t know a lot about Artemis but she is often pictured with a hunting dog, I had Jack Russels – epic little hunting dogs. She was primarily a virgin huntress, goddess of wildlife and patroness of hunters. Now I am not a patroness of hunters as I am fast becoming a plant-based person but I totally connect with the wildlife element. Certainly not a virgin and my past has some not so wholesome periods but I highly value my sexual energy.

I am committing myself to conscious celibacy or abstinence (still working on the terminology of what feels right) until I return to Australia so that I focus on finishing my studies and to give myself a chance to focus on healing without the influence of an external force clouding my judgement. We all know sexual energy can make us loss ourselves… least some of the wonderful, powerful people I have been with have had that effect on me!

In doing this am I preventing myself from finding true love? I am not adverse to dating or finding true love. I just simple believe that now, more than ever, it is time to focus on myself and my future. If my ‘true love’ person happens to show up tomorrow I have faith that they will be supportive of my choices. They will understand that at present finishing my studies and focusing on my travel and fitness aspirations makes me a better person to date later.

In respect to my travel, I don’t even know where I am truly headed after the Philippines. I am spending a little time back in Kuala Lumpur then back to Thailand but as far as any real plans I don’t actually have any…. dating me at present is problematic to say the least!

There are 5 months till I return to Australia. Therefore that is my current commitment to celibacy but I have a funny feeling that naturally I will make the commitment to remain celibate much longer. I have 2 endurance events (8 hour Cooroora Mountain Endurance Challenge and Blackall 100km Ultramarathon), launching my own business and re-commencing my Australian based life!

Tell you what that doesn’t leave much room for dating but right this second, writing this, I don’t care. It feels supremely right to make this choice and after New Year kick off my forties transformed! Sounds like a good plan if you ask me! Plus using all my sexual energy on other things means I might even have another book in me before the year is out! You just never know!!!

So tell me – have you ever had a period of conscious celibacy? Let me know how it went for you? I’d love to hear!

Blessed Be
Robyn xox

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5 thoughts on “Choosing Celibacy: Why I have decided to stop having sex…at least for now!

  1. Toni Baxter

    Respect Robyn! Hope you find what you are looking for within. Life is full of mysteries.
    Good luck. Lots of love and strength your way xxx

    Reply
  2. Sarah

    Oh we are so on the same wavelength! Thank you for writing this – I have been considering writing something about it myself. I am currently in a new phase – having transitioned out of a decade long relationship. Before that I was a ‘serial monogamist’ – always in a relationship. Before that, in my twenties, I was promiscuous – a part of my life I am not ashamed of for it taught me so much and brought me to where I am today. 35 years old, single, living alone for the first time in my life and embarking on a passionate love affair with myself. Celibacy is part of the deal – it’s not even a boundary or a difficult thing to maintain – it’s just what I know, in my heart is the right path for me right now. Interestingly, I feel more sexually alive than ever, because I’m honoring my ‘Shakti’ essence in all areas of my life. I’m dancing, laughing, connecting, loving. I’m nourishing my divine feminine energy and in doing so, am of greater service to others. Grateful to be on this path with you, sister xxx

    Reply
    1. AussieButterfly Post author

      Sarah I have actually been thinking about you a lot lately as I admire your beauty and strength in life. Watching from afar your dance, graceful yoga practices and feminine connections I know we are soul sisters! Much love to you and I pray our paths may cross again soon xx

      Reply
  3. Pingback: What celibacy means to me! | AussieButterfly

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