We all know someone with amazing self-esteem and elegance. She is the women that walks into a room and all people notice her and she doesn’t do it by tweaking or wearing a skimpy dress or being loud and obnoxious. She is the one who is dressed so that it flatters her figure (no matter what her figure is) and has a beautiful, kind demeanor.
That woman is generally not me! I now have much better self-esteem than I ever did in my 20’s. I am sure something happens as a women approaches 40. Ok that is a few year off for me but I am turning 37 in about 6 weeks. As I get older I have become far more comfortable in my own skin – even if it is fairly well tattooed.
Though I now feel an intense desire to become more elegant, in my own eccentric and hippy manner.
My self-esteem doesn’t come from other people, though the people I confide in and socialise with certain help in not damaging my self-esteem.
Self-esteem is an inside job a vast majority of the time. When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired you want to change from the status quo. Over the years I read books, changed my interests (generally to whatever someone else told me was good) and even tried to be a blond for a while but these did not help my self-esteem at all.
Note to self: You look so much better as a natural brunette than you ever did as a blond!
Over the years I have developed some personal strategies that I employ to ensure my self-esteem stays relatively high. I don’t always achieve them as it’s progress not perfection that one should be aiming for.
1. Dress and Bearing:
- I am guilty of not dressing my best or wearing lazy clothes, A LOT. I am writing this without make-up on, my hair in a messy bun, green cut offs and a blue and white boob-tube, though in my defence I am in Mexico, we don’t have aircon and it’s bloody hot and humid! One of the good things about my past working career in a corporate office was that when my self-esteem was high I wore elegant clothes but when it was low I wore, well clothes that should have been my house clothes. Wearing nice, clean and elegant clothes as well as a small amount of make-up often makes you feel good even if you don’t feel it initially inside.
- Carrying yourself with your head held high and with your body tall shows self-worth. When you drag your feet or keep your head constantly down the entire world can visibly that you don’t value yourself. Walk tall!
- The best quote about being honest with yourself was from the late Steve Jobs:
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” ~ Steve Jobs
- I don’t advocate not taking in consideration people in your quest to be honest with yourself but don’t remain trapped in an unhappy situation. Work on relationships, stop being around people that are negative nancy’s and follow your passions.
- I am not talking about becoming a marathon runner or an olympic athlete but I am talking about moving. One of my favourite workouts is an at home Zumba DVD. Dancing around the lounge room, making mistakes and giggling is fun. I love working out and when I am not doing it (as I have been now for a few months!) I feel less confident. During my training and subsequent completion of my first marathon I felt amazing albeit I was sore on more than one occasion!
4. Speaking and Manners:
- This has been a major area of work for me. I can swear like an disciplined soldier and it’s sounds vile. When I speak clearly and confident I automatically feel better. I love how I feel when I don’t swear or have interesting in-depth conversations about more than just the latest gossip.
- Don’t be a troll, don’t speak trash about other people and always show compassion to others. You never really know what is going on in someone else’s life. They may just be going through the worst experience of their lives.
My favourite self-esteem strategy without fail is to stop comparing!
5. STOP COMPARING
- You are unique and wonderful. When you compare yourself to your friends and families suddenly your personal assets or physical attributes don’t seem to add up. Take healthy pride in yourself and your achievements. Further more take joy in your friends and families achievements.
There are many different ways of increasing and maintaining your self-esteem, these are just some of the ones I use. Whilst I also said this was an inner job, surrounding yourself with other women and men that are working towards better self-esteem or who already have high self-esteem!
If none of these tips helps you feel better please seek professional help. Don’t be ashamed, many people seek professional help every day for any number of things. Self help though a professional is no different to taking your car to a mechanic if you know nothing about engines! Sometimes we all need a little help.
Oh and don’t forget to smile! It could brighten someone else’s day!