Narcissism, writing and an ebook….

“Advice? I don’t have advice. Stop aspiring and start writing. If you’re writing, you’re a writer. Write like you’re a goddamn death row inmate and the governor is out of the country and there’s no chance for a pardon. Write like you’re clinging to the edge of a cliff, white knuckles, on your last breath, and you’ve got just one last thing to say, like you’re a bird flying over us and you can see everything, and please, for God’s sake, tell us something that will save us from ourselves. Take a deep breath and tell us your deepest, darkest secret, so we can wipe our brow and know that we’re not alone. Write like you have a message from the king. Or don’t. Who knows, maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to.”
Alan Wilson Watts

I love writing, I love reading.  I love to write about love, pain, travel, fitness, food, life and mostly how those topics pertain to myself.  I try not to be narcissist but when you are writing a blog about yourself well it’s very hard not to be narcissist.  Though the one thing that I think keeps me from being completely narcissist is that I really don’t mind if you hate me.

Well maybe I do mind if you hate me, no one likes to be hated but I don’t base my life or my writing around how others will perceive me.  Over the years I have changed dramatically but my love of reading and writing never have!

So why don’t I write more?

Good bloody question! I look at my life and I realise I have stories to tell.  Some probably shouldn’t be told least I offend too many people!  I haven’t always been the nicest person and I have done some, well a lot, of really stupid things.  The truth is though I don’t want to write what could potentially harm anyone from my past but what I want to do, is be of service to other women or men who are looking for inspiration to change the direction of their lives.

I don’t believe, for myself, that I have one purpose in life.  I have a primary purpose that is very near and dear to my heart but it doesn’t take up 24 hours a day to achieve.  In fact it when I am not traveling takes maybe 10 hours a week.  So after roughly after 8 hours of sleep per night still leaves me over 100 hours a week to be inspirational and of service to others.

Now here is where I know I am lazy.

The past couple of weeks I was on bed rest (that story will come in a future post) but that gave me many hours of being lazy or inspirational.  What did I do? Well I was lazy!!!!

I could have been continuing my Spanish lessons – I know less now than I did 3 months ago but I still remember my favourite line – Me gustan mucho los perros – I really like dogs! Or I could have been writing more blogs about life and where it is taking me.  I didn’t do any of this, I watched endless hours of Grey’s Anatomy, Series 1 to episode 3 of season 9 – TWICE!!!!  I should probably write a post on Grey’s Anatomy.  A couple of episodes of Bones, Breaking Bad, Criminal Minds, a number of movies and countless hours on that blackhole and complete addiction of mine – Facebook!
I finally started reading again. I fished my kindle out of my bag and started reading.  Tim Ferriss to be precise.  Other factors including balancing hormones and a loving partner were more poignant but Tim Ferriss made me remember that I am not built for an ordinary life.

So this is what I am taking on – writing my first ebook

Why am I telling you that I am writing an ebook?  Thoughts of what if I fail hit me first, will anyone ever read a book I write.  I thought no-one would read my blog and though I don’t have a million let alone a thousand followers I have some who aren’t family or friends following my journey.  But the biggest reason I am telling the world is for accountability.

When I was training for the marathon, I blogged to keep motivated. When I did Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation, I blogged (I could probably do with this again to be honest!).  So I am telling you SO I BLOODY DO IT.

I haven’t figured out my timeline till self-publishing on Amazon yet nor the biggest part of a book – my topic….. Well this isn’t getting off to a good start is it? The truth is I have too many ideas.  Here are my topics I could choose from – my life in the Army, walking the Camino, my travels all over the world and what I have experienced, a life changing event nearly 9 years ago, practicing witchcraft and the search for meaning in my life, and the list goes on.  Then comes the problem of how many words, who do I aim my book at, when do I want to release it……. So is this stalling and procrastinating. Probably, well yes of course it is.
shut up and write the book
Maybe I should try and write 2 or 3 books simultaneously… nothing like multitasking, I am female after all!  Argh this needs to be a more controlled effort or all books will be lacking in passion and therefore won’t sell.  So this is what I am going to do – I will meditate on which one I should be doing!  Yep a little airy fairy but I believe that my Higher Power will speak to me and tell me which book I should be writing.

Funnily enough I can’t put fingers to the keypad to start writing my ebook but I can type nearly a thousand words about being lazy and that I want to write an ebook in less than 30 minutes.

I need my butt kicked!

But for now it is time to mediate or sleep, which ever comes first, and tomorrow is a new day with a brighter outlook in the chronicles of Robyn and her ebook! (Narcissistic much!)

Blessed Be
Robyn xox


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