Waiting for 648MB’s of data to transfer gave me time to reflect on the past few weeks. Having been fairly sick with a strain of chickenpox and not being able to train or work to my normal capacity I started to feel a bit shell shocked and fearful. I had this mission to be running between 10 and 20km a week and until the last two days, getting out of bed was hard work. Work has been the busiest its been in months so needless to say it was completely the wrong time to get sick.
Being sick and working brings up fears of not be inadequate and not doing my job successfully but I brought my fears back to earth with this beautiful message by Marianne Williamson:
‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others’.
Whilst I am looking forward to this ultra busy time to finish and for my health to continue getting better I know that the last two weeks were just another period in my life that proved to me that I am a unique and wonderfully talented person who is just a little too hard on herself. For now its time for another cup of tea and finish collating those hundreds of documents!