My recent health scare has had me looking at my diet and how I could improve my overall health. What the last four weeks have showed me is that I am a comfort eater who swings from restricting to permitting foods. I want foods like pizza to comfort me when work is stressful, I want chocolate when I feel teary though hormones and I want cheese on toast when I am bored.
What has smacked me squarely though is that mentally trying to eat a balanced diet has lead me a couple of times to order fast food and then not be able to eat it all as I then start thinking about my health and the fact that eating poorly due to stress was a contributing factor in the decline of my health. I feel guilty and then try not to beat myself up that I am hurting myself.
Life deals you cards different to what you want; my levels of work stress increased during a period I hoped for it to be smoother to allow time for my recovery and personal development. What I didn’t expect was that I would come to realise that I use food to decrease stress and to block out feelings of boredom and loneliness. Attempting to balance the additional work stress with the mental roller-coaster of learning about my own body and mind reactions to food.
Before I go any further I want to tell you that I am in a healthy weight range for my height and I don’t see myself as being overweight or underweight. I do look in the mirror and release I haven’t been keeping healthy in terms of training but I still manage to control food by either indulging in a binge or limiting what I consume.
So you might be asking where God comes into this for me; when I am emotional, stressed, controlling my food or worrying about my health I am not connected to my sense of God. I am not religious but I am spiritual. When I am allowing all this outside issues to fracture my sanity I am as distant from God as I am from myself.
I have come to realise that whatever is happening currently in my world is leading down many paths and revealing to me more about myself than I expected. A medical procedure that was not required brought up painful memories and lead me to deal with past abuses. Looking at my diet to help my health has brought to the surface how I deal with stress and loneliness.
Whilst it might be a little painful, the journey to finding out about yourself is still a path that also leads to many smiles and freedoms. I am learning how to cook poached eggs though, always a plus!